halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
