I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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