Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
