We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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