Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize