Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
