hotel room ftw
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
