Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
