After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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