In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize