y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
