i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
