My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You're like the curious george of whores
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He has the fingertips of a God
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