Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
