i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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