I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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