her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
