Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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