google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
