Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
