o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize