Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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