we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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