is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
