From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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