Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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