I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
