this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
