it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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