Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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