I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
