We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
