Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
