I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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