The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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