if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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