I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize