I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
