I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
