The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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