I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
