Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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