I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
