Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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