I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
