dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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