I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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