is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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