Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
