I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
