party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
