Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
