all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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