those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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