Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
