I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
