I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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