I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
