I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
