btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
