I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
