You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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