3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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