Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize