Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
