finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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